I didn't know how to go about this....

Last week I lost a cousin, Jarrod. I wanted to write about it but didn't quite know what to say, because I couldn't get a tangible handle on my feelings about it all.

Tonight, I was given a link to a blog his brother Jason has started and now I know why I was having a hard time posting.

For the first 15 or so years of my life, I used to see my cousins on this side of the family somewhat regularly. I have really fond memories of those times :D

(Spaghetti is definitely one of them, as is the music, the kwel basement (so I always thought) and also the chicken lady down the street... oh yes...ice cream at the Calliope and fish and chips and, and, and.... )

and really always looked forward to spending time with them.

I think we were closer for many reasons, then I was with the family on the other side, because of the distance. It was always so much easier to see each other (10 hrs drive vice 2-3 provinces and a ferry drive for the other side of the family). Maybe, too, it was because all of our ages were so close. Maybe for a lot of other reasons. It just has always felt like that for me.

They moved out of province and later, Mom and Dad and sibs also moved out of province too, eventually ending up in the same neck of the woods. However, I stayed here in Paradise (more or less ever since).

So as I count on my fingers, I figure that I haven't seen these cousins in almost 12 years. My last visit with them, was while I was visiting my aunt during my Christmas holidays out West in 1995.

So what am I grieving...

A young man gone too soon - YES !!!

Not being able to be with them as they go through all of this - YES!!!

But the biggest thing is that after reading Jason's blog is how much I didn't get a chance to know Jarrod. You really don't know what you don't know until some one points it out.

And how much I miss them all.

I can't do any justice in celebrating Jarrod's life, so please see Jason's blog, Creative Compass.

I'm going to miss that smile, Jarrod !!! I think that given a chance, we would have had a real "howl" together.

Hugs